Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
