my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
