You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
