so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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