id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
