As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
