Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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