At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
