Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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