"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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