apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
