Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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