if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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