Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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