you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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