the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i out mim tonsoeep
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