omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
