I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
