I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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