He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
