She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
