get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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