I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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