Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
