last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
