its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
