Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
