just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
