the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Can Purell be used as lube?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
