JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
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