Dual....:-)
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
