Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
