I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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