Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
