At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
