i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
