It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
