guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
