Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
