he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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