Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
