Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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