He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
