i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
