just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
