now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
