I just saw a hot homeless man
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
