im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
