I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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