So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
