that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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