Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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