I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
