i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
