You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What drink are we having for lunch?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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