So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
