I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
